


look out to the future, but it tells you nothing (so take another breath)

by lesbiannshit



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, I apologize for this in advance, Sad Ending, Songfic, kind of a character study i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:47:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27834760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbiannshit/pseuds/lesbiannshit
Summary: Peter never thought it would feel this peaceful. He imagined weeping, screaming, maybe even trying to fight it. But instead, here he was, oddly at peace with everything.(loosely based off of Bastille's song Icarus)
Relationships: Michelle Jones/Peter Parker (minor)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	look out to the future, but it tells you nothing (so take another breath)

_Icarus is flying too close to the sun,_ _  
_ _And Icarus’ life has only just begun_   
_This is how it feels, to take a fall_ _  
Icarus is flying towards an early grave_

Peter smiled as he fell. He smiled as he closed his eyes, preparing himself. He knew this day would come someday. Even before Spider-Man, he had accepted his death. Even before his life was dangerous, he accepted his fate. Before he was born, he accepted death. He’d welcomed it. It was the only absolute in life, after all. 

Peter gazed up at the sky above him as it started to get farther away. It was a beautiful sunrise, at least. The orange and the pink combined to make something straight out of a movie. He thought it was nice knowing the day Spider-Man died was beautiful. He could be at peace with that, more than he could if it was raining. Rain dampened the mood. It was a beautiful thing, though, but it wasn’t what he had wanted. A beautiful, sunny day, might help people stay upbeat. It might help people move on. It wouldn’t greaten their sour moods, that’s for sure.

Peter remembered hearing once that the seven minutes before you die played through your entire life. He wasn’t sure if it was true, but if it was, he was sure he’d seen it. Or maybe, his whole life was those seven minutes. He wasn’t sure which. To him, the difference didn’t matter anymore. He had no time to debate the facts behind both ideas. What mattered is that the fall took an eternity. It felt like he was floating in the air, just waiting for the right time to continue falling. 

If Mr. Stark had been here, Peter wouldn’t have accepted his fate quite yet. He knew the man had always monitored his vitals, so the fight would have never gotten to this point. But it had been a year since he passed, so there was no chance of that now. Peter smiled again. If he was truly dying, maybe he’d get to see Mr. Stark again. He’d get to meet Natasha like he’d always wanted. He’d get to see Cap again. He could meet his parents, see Uncle Ben once again. He could punch Beck in the face. He could talk to people he hadn’t seen in a long time. He could hug his family again. Peter couldn’t stop a few tears from falling at the thought.

On the other hand, he’d have to wait a long time to see Ned. To see MJ. His smile faded as he thought of his girlfriend. What would she think? Would she cry? Would she mourn? He knew Ned would. Ned had cried when they completed the Death Star. Not that it was a bad thing, but he knew Ned wouldn’t be able to hold back his tears. But with MJ, Peter could never really tell. He knew she cared though, and for him, that was enough. He knew that she was happy with him, and that’s all he could ask for. He thought of Morgan and Pepper. He felt bad about leaving them behind, especially so soon after they lost Mr. Stark. How would Morgan deal with it? They’d only just met, and she saw him as the best big brother ever. He hoped the rest of the Avengers could help her through it.

The Avengers. He paused. Maybe if he’d told them what he was doing he wouldn’t be falling so far. Maybe he would’ve had someone come with him. Peter smiled at the thought of Sam grumbling about his sleeping habits as they flew into the city. Or complaining when he had to save Peter from falling. He hoped Sam wouldn’t miss him too much. They’d never been particularly close, but missions with him were just so much fun. He hoped Bucky wouldn’t either. The man had been a constant since Tony died. They would hang out in the compound and Peter would teach him about things he’d missed while he was asleep. And when Peter had a bad dream, Bucky was always there to listen.

He laughed as he wondered what Jameson would say. Would he call the death fake? Would he pay tribute? He laughed again at the thought of Jameson apologizing for his words against the menace, Spider-Man. Peter knew he wouldn’t apologize. He’d maybe leave it alone for a few weeks before starting to create rumors. It’s what he always did. 

Maybe the school would put together another tribute video. They’d done one for Tony and Natasha, although it was pretty crappy. But it was the thought that counted, he supposed. He wondered if people would claim to be his friend like they did in the movies. What would Flash do? He’d have to face the truth about Peter’s identity, whether he liked it or not. Maybe he’d learn from it. Or maybe he wouldn’t. There was really no telling what might happen. 

Peter opened his eyes and watched the sky once more. He couldn't remember closing them. Maybe he’d done it when he was thinking of his family, maybe he’d done it when thinking back on his life. It didn’t matter either way. The sun was still rising and he smiled at it again. He’d always meant to take up photography, but after the bite he never had the time. Maybe in another life he would have been a photographer, or maybe a journalist. He might’ve had the investigative skills to be one of those journalists who digs deep into their stories. That would’ve been fun. Or maybe he could have been a scientist. He could’ve gotten a real internship at Stark Industries when he was in college. Thinking back, he realized he wasted so much potential when he was bitten by that spider. Spider-Man because his purpose, his _dream_. He never regretted it, but he regretted not being able to manage his time better. Maybe he could’ve spent more time with Mr. Stark. Maybe he could’ve been there for May when Ben died. He made a lot of mistakes, but he hoped everyone could find it in their hearts to forgive him.

Maybe it was his fault for flying too high, for flying too close to the sun. The Vulture had never been an easy battle, and he always flew high. Always. Peter could’ve predicted the outcome. He could’ve come up with a plan. He could’ve lived. But now, it was too late. There were so many things he could’ve changed, but he didn’t. He could have fixed things, but he didn’t. Part of him was glad he didn’t. It’s not like he ever wanted to die, but he would rather die heroic like this than live long enough to see himself lose everyone else. It was Parker luck, as he’d named it. Almost yearly he lost something dear to him, and he knew one day it would be him. Whether that day be tomorrow or twenty years, he never knew.

He thought back to his younger years. If his parents hadn’t died, what would’ve happened to him? Would he have ever lived with May and Ben? He always wondered what could’ve been. He wondered what would’ve happened if May died instead. He also wondered what he would do if he could go back. What would he change? If he changed too much, would he still have become Spider-Man?

When Peter was young, he’d loved the story of Icarus. It was one of the first myths he could remember learning, and he’d clung to it since. It was the story of a fallen hero, in his mind. Of lost potential. If Icarus has listened, he’d have lived and maybe grown great. But Icarus had defied directions, and instead flew higher. Flew towards danger. Peter would’ve done the same, if he were to be honest. The thrill of flying high would get to him and he’d keep going. He’d fly higher and higher until he couldn’t climb anymore. He’d feel the hot wax dripping down his arms as he fell. Maybe that’s what he was doing right now. Falling into the sea, just like Icarus. Falling away from the world he knew. He wondered if Icarus felt this much peace. 

When he hit the ground, he imagined he was falling into the sea. It hurt more, but he felt at peace with it. He closed his eyes one last time and smiled sadly as he took his last few breaths. He felt his heart stop and his breaths slow down. This was it, his final moments. He wondered if anyone was watching. He wondered if anyone had expected him to get right back up. But there was no time for wondering things like that if they didn’t matter to him anymore.

“Kid?” A voice asked and Peter opened his eyes.

He wasn’t on the ground anymore. His vision was filled with white instead. He looked to his left to see a man he missed dearly.

“Mr. Stark?” Peter smiled, tears in his eyes.

“Hey Underoos,” Mr. Stark replied. “And it’s just Tony, isn’t it?”

“I…” Peter tackled him in a hug. “I missed you.”

“What you did was really stupid,”

Peter smiled. “I know.”

“And you should’ve known what he was doing.”

“I know,” tears welled in his eyes again. “I just wish I got to say goodbye.”

“Everyone does, kid,” Tony replied, patting his back. 

Peter pulled back from the hug, rubbing his eyes.

Tony smiled. “Follow me, kid. There are some people I think you’ll want to see.”

**Author's Note:**

> i cried while writing this. like a lot. also I'd recommend listening to this song bc it's so good. it's so good y'all.  
> I'm sorry to my boy Peter Parker here but i read the poem Icarus Laughed as he fell (there's no actual title but you'll find it if you look this up) and heard this song and something just kinda clicked in my brain, you know? also I honestly can't believe I got this to over 1000 words. I kinda just went with what felt right and this is where we ended up. I'm not completely satisfied with this but I don't want to spend too much time picking it apart because then I'll never post it lmao.  
> as always, feedback do be appreciated. also if you liked this i do have other stories so y'all could check those out i guess.  
> hope everyone is staying safe and WEARING A MASK (unless your country is safe and you don't need them anymore. I live in America where it is not lol). also I hope y'all have a good day or night or whatever it is where y'all is.


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